Privacy in the Deodorant Aisle

This attack ad is funny, includes a catchy jingle I find myself humming when I send emails, is relatively on-point with how Google does things and has me thinking ... [watch the vid first; then feel free to read my tangential opinions]





I have a decent understanding of the digital world. I know as much as Google will let me know about their paid and organic search algorithms. I've got first-hand experience working to see to it that my client's ad shows up before the coupon site that advertises the same product we do on Yahoo! and Bing. I know how Lead Nurturing Campaigns and various tracking tools will literally document every move I make online so that I can be demographically categorized and re-marketed and cookie'd and targeted. 


I know how creepy it all is. Yet, I love it! Almost like that cheesy quote about true friends knowing all there is to know about you, the good and the bad, and liking you anyway. I mean, I don't like the internet or digital advertising as much as I like my best friend and Facebook wife, Jenna. Or even as much as I dig some college acquaintances I've kept in loose touch with. But I like it. I do.


And to make matters worse, I sort of love it. I was a part of a Midrash, St. Louis Theology at the Bottleworks Discussion last March on "Information Ownership, Ethics & Issues" where I think I may have been the only one in the room with this take on things...


I'm the girl who spends 30 minutes in the deodorant aisle comparing packaging and pricing and trying to assess the past experiences I had with Brand A vs. Brand B but not remembering enough details or differentiating them enough for it to really matter. I wish some archivist-extraordinaire [to be referred to as "A.E" from here on out] could meet me in the deodorant aisle with a long list of my historical experience with various brands and the other factors that attributed to my opinion of that brand. 


My A.E. could remind me: 

"Well, five minutes after you put on BluePackageWithBlackDressOnFront deodorant brand for the first time, you went on a date with that handsome Croatian man. So you were probably a bit nervous. But the day you used the WhitePackageWithTheSalmonColoredFlowersOnFront deodorant brand, you went to two back-to-back classes at your gym even though you knew your body wasn't ready for that kind of workout after such a long hietas. You sweat a lot that time, and blamed your deodorant when really you should have been blaming your addiction to Parks and Recreation..." [I love you, Amy Poehler.]

She [I just want my A.E. to be a "she" because I feel awkward talking about deodorant with a dude] could have not only my personal history recorded and analyzed FOR me, but an aggregated version of all of the people who have or haven't used the various products I'm deciding between. 


Eventually, if I trusted her enough, I'd just let her pick out my deodorant for me. I wouldn't need to hear the reasons. Heck, I might even let her apply the deodorant to my glorious pits every morning if she wants. And if she were pre-programmed to make decisions based purely on my actions/reactions/opinions, I'd have to trust her, right? Assuming I trust myself. Thing is, she'd have access to my subconscious, the desires I'm not even totally aware of but am somehow indicating by the things I'm doing / buying / searching / sharing.


I realize it's naive to fail to mention the selfish intentions of the advertisers who are stalking me. I get it. They want to sell me THEIR product, not necessarily THE product that is best for me. That I want the most. Thing is, I probably don't really care that much about the difference between all of these deodorants. I just want to find a brand I can consistently rely on .... that more or less makes the decision for me [and gives me coupons to make the decision cheaper, of course] so I can spend my time loving life and the people I get to experience it with instead of picking out deodorant that helps me smell better while I'm life- & people-lovin'. 


[Because I realize I've gone over the word limit most blog-readers are willing to spend time reading, consolidated bulleted list below.] 
Online Advertising, to me:

• Is creepy, yet fascinating.
• Has potential to make brands more convenient to choose, cheaper to buy and a better fit to enjoy for consumers.
• Creates more work for advertisers [thus creating jobs ... but I won't go into a 'big business and capitalism are good for societies' speech ...] and saves time for consumers.

P.S. The deodorant brand I use now is Dove^®. 3 Reasons:

1. It smells so damn good.

2. Unilever [owner of  Dove^®] is a client of my ad agency, and one of my favorite Search Marketing guys of the bunch, Bhak Tanta-Nanta is the Search Director for Unilever. 

3. I will always be a sucker for the Dove^® Campaign For Real Beauty. Very inspiring!